Be You!

So we traveled to Texas to see the family over Christmas break and while flying back with a 5 year old, a 3 year old, and a baby our flight stopped but we didn't have a plane change. Which really means we were on the same plane for around 6 hours. Our kids are pretty good travelers and we usually don't have major meltdowns or anything I feel like I need to apologize to all those around me for. While we were sitting on the plane...not going anywhere (this I find frustrating if I'm on an airplane without any kids with me) our kids became a little restless, Princess K to be precise.

Now I understood that naptime was upon us, but napping wasn't interesting at that point. Then, I remembered again why the best plan is two parents, because Handsome K, (my really smart husband who rolled his eyes when I told him what I was going to call him on my blog) took them to see the cockpit up front which took up 10 minutes...

...now what to do with the next 45.

Needless to say there were a lot of different ways to say, don't, stop, be quieter, calm down etc...which handsome K and I issued out to our oldest two.

So in my attempt to find another way to say don't, I said to Princess K, “If I were you I wouldn't...”

I didn't really think twice about what I really said.

Princess K looks at me and says, “you'll never be me mommy.”

I didn't understand her and in just a few seconds had already mentally moved on from my previous re-direction of her actions.

She said again, a little bit louder, “you'll never be me mommy.”

I finally register that she is responding to what I had said to her .

I stop and smile and tell Handsome K what she just said, momentarily thinking it's both cute and pretty smart of her.

Then a small healthy dose of fear sets in...I know me and I don't want her to be me, I don't want her to struggle with my struggles, or be a perfectionist, or think she has to please me. I want her to be Princess K in all that God made her to be.

Then, I scoop her into my arms and say, “you're right, God made you Princess K, and you will always be Princess K.” I want you to be you.” I didn't think about my comment as confusing, because what I meant was “my way is better than the way you are doing things and if you are smart you will choose my way.”

Of course I wouldn't say that.

I didn't communicate smooth enough for a 3 year old. What this little misunderstanding did inside my head was remind me to encourage her to be her. To be confident of who God made her to be, not be me or anyone else.

I tell Little K all the time to make choices for Little K. I accidentally communicated to Princess K to copy my choices. I don't think I'll be saying “if I were you...” for awhile. My intentions were good, but it said something to my kids that I didn't want to say. I tend to do this to those I love the most....say something I don't really want to say. Somehow it escapes me and I let it out.

God reminded me that I often make choices that will please others.

I want to be what God has made me to be.

No matter what choices that leads me to make.

Today is Little K's 6^th birthday, and like every one of my children's birthdays it takes me back to their first and brings me to my knees...praying and begging that God's grace will cover my parenting mistakes and irrational moments.

Praying that I will encourage them to make choices for themselves that will make God smile because His plan is best.

Birthdays make me pray hard that I have and continue to teach them all that I need to and want to about life and relationship with our Heavenly Father.

I need moments like on the plane, a small but meaningful reality check to happen, in our conversation to remind me she's just 3, he's just 6. Expect great things, but talk to them like children, not putting too much pressure on them to be grown up yet. That will happen all too fast.

God knit me together in my mother's womb, He made me and my kids just like he planned...life out loud just as God made you.

I will too.

I Have Decided

Last night was a great night!  Resonate Church...new place, new life!  Our church moved locations because we outgrew our old one, and we had our baptism service.  God uses these services to remind me of how much he is working in and around us!


25 people, changed forever.


They decided to follow Jesus.


I decided to follow Jesus a long time ago, I've never looked back or doubted (by the grace of God).  Though I do believe I have to decide everyday too.


Little K is watching.


Princess K is watching.


Am I deciding everyday to follow Jesus?


Some days I follow my own way, it's not so good in the end.  I am impatient.  I like control.  I like exact expectations.  I hate mess.  When following my own way, these things trip me up.


It's not pretty.


Little K is getting curious about deciding to follow Jesus.  He's been asking questions, real questions.  I want with all my heart for him to decide to follow Jesus too.  I want to live purposeful and for him to see that following Jesus is better than not.


He told me the other day, "I asked God for it to snow on our Christmas Mom."  I told him God knows what is best and sometimes he answers our prayers with No.  He said, "but I asked him anyway Mom."  I smiled to myself and said a prayer for snow too.  If for no other reason than to show how big God is to a little boy hoping for a white Christmas.  I told Little K again, sometimes God's answer is Yes and sometimes it's No.  Little K said, "I hope it's Yes!" 


So Saturday we have Christmas, but even if it's not white and God doesn't answer all my prayers just like I want Him too.  I will decide to follow Jesus, one day at a time.  Sometimes one minute at a time.


I pray you have decided to follow Jesus too.


You can pray for snow if you want, Jesus cares about the desires of our hearts.

I'm finding out...

Here are some things I'm finding out, in no particular order...

I'm finding out that my parents probably knew most of their Christmas presents before they opened them.

I'm finding out that making time to be intentional takes being intentional with your time.

I'm finding out that living as an imitator of God doesn't come natural when a whiny 3 year old doesn't like the position of her blanket covering her feet. 

I'm finding out that 18 year old Paige didn't know quite as much about the world as she thought she did when she went to college.

I'm finding out that being a parent is the second hardest and best thing I've ever done.  (1st is marriage)

I'm finding out to pray simply...Princess K at dinner recently, "Thank you God for lipstick, letters, and underwear."

I'm finding out that I only thought life was busy and I didn't have "free time" in my 20s.

I'm finding out grown-up conversations can be hard...refinance?  buy a car?  is life fulfilling? am I living my life on purpose?  am I teaching and loving my kids well?...but the vulnerability of having these conversations with my best friend is worth it.

I'm finding out that dying to myself to live as Christ is more complex than just thinking nice thoughts about people and letting someone else go first at a 4-way stop.

I'm finding out that life really does fly by and kids really do grow so fast.

I'm finding out that my kids are always watching and listening.

I'm finding out that not knowing everything about everything is ok...we have the internet!

I'm finding out that I now know why I believed my mom when she said she had eyes in the back of her head...there's nothing new under the sun.

I'm finding out that time with friends when you have a family looks much different than it did before kids, but just as sweet when it happens.

I'm finding out that starting a church is like having another child.

I'm finding out that I have a really blessed life watching my kids grow every inch.

I'm finding out that my life is richer if I laugh alot.

I'm finding out that kids are horrible liars.

I'm finding out that going to the mailbox is more fun as a kid.

I'm finding out that life is really more than I ever imagined it to be...really.

I'm finding out that God's ways are not my ways.

Just some things I'm finding out...