Changes are a Comin'

Baby K is starting to break free from his swaddle.

Princess K likes to say, “I'll do it by myself mom.”

Little K told me as I walked away from his room, “Mom, you don't have to leave the hall lights on for me, I'm going right to sleep.”

Transitions.

Growing up.

Smiles.

Tears. (mine)

I know these are all little things, but they all mean that we are in forward motion...that we are changing, and each child is becoming more independent. Needing less of the comforts of the stage before. Less worried about getting help. Thankfully, I am still needed for kissing owies and giving hugs (and the less glamorous things too.) This is what we as parents want right? We want them to become self-sufficient in their hygiene and not continue to be scared of the dark. We want them to grow up.

Just not so fast.

I've been thinking lately about the realities of life. About all the things that Keith and I are sure to walk through in the next 50 years or so. Some of them will be tragic and heart-splitting, some of them will be just normal and non-emotive regular things, and some of them will be extraordinarily celebratory.

These thoughts that I'm thinking have made me ponder two things...

First...I'm so thankful to have, Keith, my best friend, the one I love beside me through what is to come, both happy and sad.

Second, seize the day.

Yep, seize it.

It may seem simple and mundane and even quite cliché, but I don't want to wish away today thinking about tomorrow. I have smiled more, and laughed more, and even slowed down and left dirty dishes in the sink longer. Instead of biding my time until “quiet/nap time” I want to embrace it. I want to cherish it.

Because one day too soon, my 3 K's will all be in school and my house will be empty during quiet time.

Everyone, and I really do mean everyone. Not in the “everybody's doing it, they have pink converse and I want them too” way, but I mean everyone who has kids further along in age then my own tells me, “enjoy this time, it goes way too fast.” I don't want to get on the other side of “this time” and wish I had cherished it more. I am just going to cherish it more.

When Little K was about 18 months old I taught him to smell flowers because otherwise he kept pulling the petals off. So he'd stop and smell flowers everywhere...weeds too. He was a fast learner and he stopped often to smell the flowers. I think of that lesson he taught me back then, take the time to smell the flowers because I started to get impatient with the thing I taught him. Then he learned to say, “mell it momma.” he wanted to share this gift with me. So...I stopped to smell them too.

Then I quit.

I'm starting again.

I'm cherishing each day as the gift God has intended it to be...like we sing every morning on the way to school, “This is the day the Lord has made, Rejoice and be Glad in it.” Psalm 118:24

Rejoice and be glad in it.

Mama Bear Instincts

Recently, we were at the friendly place where the golden Arches hang, that place that kids know simply by the giant yellow icon that draws them in.  We were there on special Monday, when it's just $1.99 to have a meal that's suppose to make you happy...therefore there were lots of kids enjoying the white meat substances and greasy potatoes.  

I had delightfully sat down with two friends to enjoy some conversation while our kids ran around in the (impossible to climb quickly when your child cries) tubes and slides.

Another child that we didn't know came up to tell us our kids where being mean.  Then our kids came down saying the same thing, to which the stranger said oh it's not these kids it's another.  I know I was confused too.  The two of us peered into the structure not seeing another culprit in eyesight.  That's because he was hiding out!  A few minutes later he appeared and my friend and I made eye contact that said, "there he is, that rascal."  We continue to visit and the kids play...then it happened.

Hiding boy was crouched at the bottom of the slide when my son and his friend came down and sneaky was waiting with his fist ready and started pounding.  We jumped up and I saw the red mark under Little K's eye.  I did not see the swinging, though my friend did.  

At that moment, when Little K said with a quivering lip, "he hit me momma."  I understood what I've heard to be true of mama bears protecting their cubs.  I didn't want to hurt the poor perpetrator, but I did want to protect my son with all my might and right this injustice done to him.

I asked calmly, hoping that it wasn't purposeful, "with his elbow, or foot, maybe while you were sliding?"  Little K responds as he balls up his fist, "no with his fist right on my face."  

Another round of mama bear instincts went off.

I took a deep breath and calmly asked the little boy what happened.  Of course, he became mute upon his offense being brought into the light.  Then we went to talk to his mom and there was apologies and forgiveness as appropriate.  

What did I realize?  I realized how fiercely my heart goes into protection mode for one of my own.  I realized how much I wanted to right the injustice done, to bring the little guy's mistake to light and to bring about character change in him as well as take away the pain from my son.  I wanted to be angry, but when I looked into the offender's little shy eyes, I softened.  

I took him to his momma.  

When I looked into my son's eyes, I wanted to hug and make it all better, take away any pain.

I thought later that day how much God defends me, how much God loves me, how much he wants the best for me.  How he calls me His "royal priesthood, a people for His own possession," (1 Peter 2:9).  He wants to take care of me and see me love Him more.  What this verse says is I am in God's family.

He is the King, we are sons and daughters of the King.

When my offenses are brought into the light, am I like the fighter at the playground?  Do I look the other way or blame something else...or am I quick to apologize, ask forgiveness and walk in the light?

I felt just a glimpse of the heart of God, in wanting to stand for those who have been offended.  In wanting to bring sin to light so that reconciliation can happen.  I cannot begin to imagine how much God loves me, but as I move and navigate in this world with three little jewels that look like me and my husband I learn a little bit more about the depth of my Heavenly Father's love for me.

I'm thankful that God loves me more than a momma bear and her cub.  I don't fully understand, but I want to continue learning more about that love for the rest of my life.

When did I become me?

Recently Princess K has been talking about birthday parties.  I guess when you're 3 and you have no concept of time and an active imagination you think about fun things people can do for you.  

She has been choosing everyone's birthday theme according to what she deems appropriate. 

She's chosen hers, her brothers, some friends and neighbors.  She simply looks at them and says, "Yours will be...."  to which most reply, "what are you talking about?"  This doesn't stop her, she's on a mission.  

The other day she was on her choosing cycle again and said this...

"Mine will be princess, Little K's will be dinosaurs, Baby K's will be (giggling) babies, Daddy's will be motorcycles, and Mommy's will be....pause as she thinks of what my party theme will be.

I'm thinking of all the possibilities she has to choose from.  Will she say, "Laundry washer, kitchen sweeper, bathtub scrubber, bottom wiper, mealtime chef, sharing enforcer, hug giver??"

She was still thinking and saying over and over, "Mommy's will be uh uh uh uh..."

She finally says, with a huge oversized smile and a twinkle in her eye, "Just Mommies."

Yep that about sums it up I guess.  

I am Mommy.  

When did I become me?  

I like this me, but it's different than it used to be.  I still try to be organized and plan ahead and know what to expect in any given situation.  But, I forget things, retrace my steps alot, often while saying, "It's not ok to hit your brother," or "remember to use kind words instead of your hands."  I am still me, I'm just different.  I have been given 3 wonderful little lives to mold and shape.  I pray everyday that I am training them up in the way they should go.

This made me think about a journal prayer I wrote awhile back, one I actually put in a scrapbook, that I actually pull out and read every now and then.  

It helps remind me when I became the me that I am.

I wrote this on 12-14-2008

"My passion in life has changed, that's okay-my passion used to be different, now it's little people, my little people...(a smile, a hug, a kiss, a cry).  My passion used to have more status and measurable success, now my passions are a blank slate, a willing heart, an impressionable mind.  My passion used to fuel my personality and drive me to a place and a people...now my passion goes wherever I go and drives my every thought and decision.  My passion now makes life harder, but richer.  My passion shows me how Jesus loves me as His child, how he would give anything for me, how He did give everything for me, my passion interrupts my daily life and agenda-changes my plans, but the plans are much more meaningful now, more important!  I feel that my life has taken a turn-sometimes I don't feel like me, maybe because I'm someone new and different, I have changed just like my passion and maybe that's okay."

God promises in Jeremiah 29:11 that He knows the plans He has for me, plans to give me a hope and a future.  I have held onto this verse as my favorite for over a decade.  God knows what is best and has blessed me with these.  He knew I would become this me way before I did.

So maybe I would have a mommy party.  Where my treasure is there is my heart.

And that would reveal my passion.  That would reveal my heart.