The Words that End Our Day

Every night...

We pray for Little K, that like Elijah he would be a man of God and the words he speaks will be truth. That he will tell others of how much God loves them and believe it for himself as well. That he would be a truth teller and love God with his heart, mind and strength. That he will be a leader, confident in who God has made him to be. That God would protect his innocence and his integrity.

We pray for Princess K, that like Hannah she would know that prayer is the most important conversation she can have because it's talking to God. That she will trust God with her deepest desires and longings. That God will protect her passions and her purity. That God will give me the patience to parent an emotional girl, that God would give Handsome K and I the wisdom to build her self-confidence and self-awareness so that she knows she's beautiful on the inside, not based on her outward appearance. Simply because God made her.

We pray for Baby K, that like Isaac trusted Abraham, he would trust his Father to provide all that he needs. That he will believe that God cares about all parts of our lives. That God is worthy to be praised even if things don't make sense. That even when the way of provision doesn't seem obvious he will trust God. That God would bring him to maturity in his faith.

I pray that they will be more like God and somehow I will have the patience, wisdom, and endurance to run this race for the prize ahead. That they wouldn't be like me, but like God. That one day during my lifetime I will see each of them give their hearts to Jesus. To believe with all their hearts, to love our Creator with all their being.

I pray that they will dance. Right now they are watching a mouse do ballet...but I really mean dance. Experience life to the full. And never loose their sense of wonder. That they pursue big things with big faith because they believe in a big God. That life would be all that they want it to be. That in the struggles and hard times they would be driven to their Savior and in the happy, easy times they would thank their Father in Heaven.

Pray in everything, in all things, at all times...it's okay God's listening.

Some Fish and a Dog

Our two fish died, the fish that we got for Little K's party favors just a few days shy of a year ago.

I discovered them floating belly up during the kids quiet/nap times. I thought about how to break the news to them and wanted to be delicate and gentle. I had no emotional connection with them, but I wanted to be aware that they might. So I sat down with them and told them the news. I was kind and gentle, spoke slowly and prepared myself to be sympathetic about fish. They looked at each other and Little K said, “Now we don't have to feed them for a chore.” Then Princess K said, “Are we going to flush them in the potty?”

Over the next two days I cleaned up the tank...Handsome K and I decided not to replenish the fish. The kids didn't miss a beat.

And then another day...

Little K and Princess K were pretending they were driving to Texas. They were talking about our family and sort of calling roll in their pretend car. Our yorkie, Mocha, usually makes the roll call (and dinner table prayer for that matter) and this time was no different. Then they stopped and Little K looked at me and very seriously asked, “Can Mocha come to Texas with us the next time we go?”

Side note: Back when we only had 1 or 2 kids our dog came with us. You should see us now when we go through security, it's a sight! Needless to say we usually op for our little yorkie to stay home when we travel.

So I honestly replied, “Well, do you remember all the bags and car seats we bring with us when we fly on airplanes? We have a lot of things we have to bring, and with stuff and three kids it's usually easier to have her stay with someone at home.”

Little K thought about this for a moment...

Then he very seriously suggested, “Why don't we get a babysitter for Baby K and bring Mocha with us?”

I laughed out loud and realized he wasn't joking. He thought it was a good idea. I then carefully said, “I think that your grandparents and aunts and uncles might enjoy seeing Baby K a little bit more than Mocha, what do you think?”

Little K did not let up...”Why? They don't know him as well as they know Mocha...maybe we could bring Mocha the next time and then Baby K after that.”

I tried to figure out why he wanted Mocha with us.

Is it because she's been a constant in our family since before he was born. They play together periodically, but I wouldn't say they spend a lot of time together.

Hmmm...

Interesting...we've had Mocha 11 years, the fish almost one year, and Baby K for almost 10 months...I guess love does grow with time and shared experiences.

I don't really think they'd trade our dog for our baby.

I also thought they'd be sad about the fish?

The longer I know Jesus, the more I want to be with Him...we've been on a journey together for 26 years.

Some parts of the journey, I've reacted much like the kids and the fish...not concerned with our relational well-being, seeing our relationship as a chore or a task to complete, only thinking about His presence once in awhile.

Some parts I've lived like my kids think about our dog...in a constant awareness of His presence, willing to trade anything for Him, to give Him anything, knowing that no matter what He's there, experiencing His power, loving Him.

The latter parts are best.

The parts where I am devoted because of the relationship, because His love and presence compels me to think about Him.

So...I want to be like my kids are with our dog...devoted, loving, thoughtful, inclusive, protective even.

For His Love Compels me.

Not Alone

Little K threw up at school recess last week and didn't tell anyone. He told me he didn't want anyone to laugh at him. I asked him if he would laugh at someone for throwing up and he kind of looked at me like I was crazy and said, “No Mom.” I asked him if people usually laugh at him, he said no. So I wonder why he was worried about that.

Though I understand not wanting attention for puking, one of my most embarrassing moments was the same thing in elementary.

My heart hurt a little for him...at school without mom to have a warm washcloth to wipe his forehead and hand him a cup of water to rinse his mouth. Instead, he went and stood by the door waiting for recess to be over all alone and no grown-up noticed, probably embarrassed and mortified at having thrown up in front of the K-3^rd graders at his elementary.

He finally told his teacher that his tummy hurt about 10 minutes before school was over. He almost started crying the minute I saw him, it was like he could finally tell someone his heart and how he really felt. The one he is most comfortable with had finally come to retrieve him from his secret sickness on the playground.

He wanted to fall into my arms and hug me, when usually he runs full force to the large pile of icy snow left in the parking lot. His eyes were wet and at the same time fighting back those tears in an effort to be brave.

I guess I can't be there for all of the hard, embarrassing, sick times in his life.

I wasn't there.

To hug him.

To reassure him.

I love that boy. I want him to feel safe.

God wants to be the one who's “there” for me, for Little K.

The One we can be most comfortable with is always listening. I want to teach Little K this. How does this look in real life when we have to face regular gross stuff. How does this feel? How does this change my daily life?

I think it gives me hope I wouldn't have otherwise. God gives me hope because He is always there for me...whether I'm puking on the playground, around people who aren't very nice or when I have to make hard decisions to follow others or make good choices.

I have taught my kids from early on to “get control” by folding their hands together and taking a deep breath. Recently, I have remembered why I did that and will start reminding them.

So that they could remember that even in their frustrated times they can ask God for help “getting control” of themselves. Folding our hands can remind us that God is near and I can talk to him.

Like if I feel all alone and embarrassed.

Maybe I need to fold my hands more to.