Reflections of sacrificial living through the Eyes of my 8 year old

We celebrated the marriage of two of our own church planters this week.  I once told Handsome K “that guy is going to plant a church.” He is now.  I once heard that girl (while in Houston at a conference) say she was made for this and she knows she will be involved with church planting.  They fell in love and are now church planters. 

Princess K had the opportunity to drop petals down the aisle before the bride walked down.  She relished the day, getting attention from the bridesmaids and others.  She told me she kept saying to herself “this is Chris and Tannis’ day” so she wouldn’t forget.  In part, I think, because she was also having so much fun.  This made me smile because I gave a passionate hopeful mommy speech about not complaining and not distracting from the bride and groom because in fact it was their day not ours.  She was surrounded by women who love Jesus and spent time treating her like a real person, not just a kid who is in the background.  I love that about our church and our staff.  Princess K loves deeply and treasures relationships…she has a heart that will probably be broken and disappointed many times through her elementary, middle and high school years.  She will learn about expectations and how only God will not fail her, hurt her or leave her.

Leaving.

It’s hard when people leave.

When we got in the car, all of us excited and a bit tired…she climbed into the back seat and began to cry.  A heartfelt deeply sad cry with immediate tears.  I glanced at Handsome K and crawled back with her.  I asked her to tell me what she’s feeling, to tell me what is making her cry.  She said, “I don’t like that we plant new churches and people have to leave.  It’s sad.  Chris and Tannis are moving and I won’t see them.  Some of my friends (she used this to refer to the bridesmaids who showed her love and attention, ladies you play an important role in my daughter’s life) are leaving. Last year Craig and Kellie left.”

She said all of this through her tears while burying her head on me and having a hard time talking.

Our church is pushing back darkness on college campuses, starting new churches to do so.  We are prayerfully raising up leaders and sending out teams to go.  Princess K said it well, sometimes we don’t want to see them go because for our sake we like it better with them here.  But for the Gospel’s sake they must go.  Princess K is learning about sacrificing our comfort for God’s call.  Princess K is learning about Love for Jesus over love for what’s easy and makes sense.  Princess K is a feeler like her momma.  We feel this deeply and it’s hard…but they must go. 

We were talking about Moses’ response to God’s call this morning while the kids ate their brown sugar cinnamon bagels (cool mom=1, healthy breakfast=0).  We saw how Moses doubted God was telling him to go, he doubted that God will also go with him and give him the words to say.  God kind of told Moses…ok I’ll send your brother with you to do the talking if you doubt me so much.  We talked about how Moses missed out  because God was looking for him to simply be obedient and God would equip him for what he was being called to do.  But God had a plan to push forward and He was going to do it with someone who was willing to be obedient and have faith.  Aaron went along.  Moses doubted. 

 

God still did what He planned to do and used someone with an obedient heart. 

I pray this is what Princess K sees when it’s sad and we ugly cry because people we love have to move.  I had no idea that at 8 years old she felt this way.  God made her with a heart that loves.  I pray that she knows that people will come and go but the Lord is here to stay in her heart…never to go without her, always going before her and being right here with her too. 

Unfathomable…yes. 

But true.

That’s my God.

Help us Lord to think more of your Kingdom than ours.  Teach Princess K to know that pretty dresses and shiny lip gloss don’t make her beautiful, but you inside her is remarkable and radiant.  That’s what she saw in the bride and groom this week…you inside of them, calling them forward to another place.  Remind me to be obedient even in the little things for you desire to call us to bigger things for your kingdom yet seen, more than we can imagine possible.

I witnessed a Holy Moment

September 26, 2015

 

Started out as any other day, a Saturday morning where the kids were asking if we could make waffles.  We were all lying in our bed, the five of us…talking about the Cougar flag being waved at certain televised games. 

When in the middle of the football talk, Princess K says,

“I want to ask Jesus into my heart!” 

We all went silent, it was as if even Baby K knew this was important enough to stop wrestling and flailing about.  She said it again, “I want to ask Jesus into my heart.”  Handsome K and I looked at each other and at her.  I smiled. 

What made you think of this right now?  (looking back I knew the answer, the Holy Spirit of course was prompting her).  She mentioned that she and her friend were talking about it last night and she told her friend she wanted to talk to her mom and dad about it.  Princess K said, “I forgot last night after they left and I remembered when I got up this morning.”  She told me later that she kind of whispered it at first and nobody heard her and then said it again louder.  I think she was excited and nervous and excited and nervous.

We asked her why she wanted Jesus in her heart.  She told us because He forgave her sins when He died on the cross.  She said that in Vacation Bible School she learned a song, ABC…

A-admit that you’re a sinner, B-Believe in Jesus, C-Confess your faith in Jesus.

“That’s what I want to do.”

Rewind the last 10 months…I’ve been praying for Princess K to realize she’s lost so that she may be found.  Growing up around church and ministry and college students who love Jesus she has knowledge about God and His Son, Jesus.  I had been praying that she understood the difference between knowing about Jesus and knowing Jesus, choosing Jesus.  Last December we had one of our interns from church over for dinner and we were talking about spiritual birthdays because hers was coming up.  Little K talked about when his was and I shared about my day briefly…Princess K said, “How do you get one of those?  I don’t have one.”  Little K told her it’s the day you ask Jesus into your heart.  She simply repeated something about not having done that yet.  This was the first glimpse of her understanding she has a choice.  Then two more times she said things like this over the next few months, not having done that yet.

At Easter in April we were reading about Jesus being the light that shows our way. We were talking about how when you choose to follow Jesus you no longer live in darkness but have that light inside of you too.  Light in the dark world.  While standing closely together in our closet (with a candle for emphasis) we talked about being light in the darkness, Princess K said, “I’m dark inside, I don’t have the light yet.”

She was beginning to see that she too has a choice…to choose Jesus or not, to be in darkness or live in the light.  So I knew firsthand that Jesus was drawing her closer to Himself.  When she proclaimed she was ready I was sure my prayers of her knowing she had a decision to make for herself was happening.  God was transforming the heart of my daughter right in front of me.

We talked about Jesus being the bridge that we can choose to walk across leaving our sin on one side of the gap and walking over the bridge that Jesus’ death provides to God’s side. 

“I want to walk across that bridge mommy.”

Next came a very holy moment…

We asked her if she knew what she wanted to say and she said she did.

She talked to Jesus out loud with us hearing her sweet prayer and her life being saved.  My sweet daughter, I’ve prayed for this since your conception.

“God, “A” is admit that I’m a sinner.  I am God.  “B” is believe in Jesus.  I believe Jesus died to forgive me of my sins and I want to walk across His bridge.  “C” confess my faith in you.  Jesus please come into my heart.  I don’t want to be on the side without you.”

Yep, I was crying…tears of joy.  Prayers for my daughter’s future, the narrow road is hard, but so worth it.  Many go through the wide gates and never walk across Jesus’ bridge, but my joyful song just chose to allow Jesus to influence and direct her life on earth…her personal, love relationship with Jesus beginning right there in our bed.

After she prayed, Handsome K told her that the Bible tells us that the angels rejoice when someone believes in Jesus.  The angels are having a party in Heaven because of your decision to choose Jesus.  She smiled really big.   I imagine she was trying to picture a party in Heaven.  She talked about how there might be cake, balloons and  banners and we said I’m sure there is singing!  A party for her in Heaven!

We continued to talk…all enjoying the moment…then Princess K said in a sad small voice.  “Not everyone has walked across the bridge to God huh mom?”

“No.”

“Well, we have to tell them.”

Yes, my little missionary.  We do.

I told her how on Earth she’s my daughter, but in God’s family we are sisters.  We giggled together because that is kind of funny to think about.  We called grandparents, aunts, and uncles that day so she could share her news.  We went to the grocery store and saw a special friend of hers, a girl who has been investing in my daughter in big ways this year; as we were talking she walked up and proudly shared unprompted her decision.  Swooped up in arms; this special young lady in my daughter’s life rejoiced with us!

Recently Handsome K preached about living in the cycle of life (under the sun) vs. living in God’s story (beyond the sun).  She has continued to share her good news…she is beginning her journey as a part of God’s story, beyond the sun.  I know this journey will not be simple, she will fall down.  BUT GOD…will pick her up and forgive and transform and change her to grow more like Him all the days of her life.

I cannot imagine what God has for you Princess K, but your kind and compassionate heart, your imaginative and creative mind, and looking to God to tell you who you are will take you on amazing adventures.  You will soar! 

And keep telling people how to walk across the bridge to life in Jesus!

Our story in God's story

On a recent flight I was alone and was seated by a retired woman who easily began conversation with me.  I’m usually the one to initiate conversation but actually intended to sleep most of this flight.  She began sharing with me that she and her husband had been missionaries in east Africa for 35 years only to retire 6 years earlier.  I asked her how she got to Africa and this began a beautiful almost 2 hour story.  She shared about being a missionary kid to Hawaii during her childhood, and knowing she was called to be an international missionary at the age of 10.  Her family moved to Oklahoma and after college she went to Ft. Worth, Tx to seminary. 

She told about meeting her husband for the first time and how it was love at first sight.

Pure.  Beautiful love.

But they had a problem…he wasn’t interested in being a missionary overseas.  He wanted to be in youth ministry.  In her sweet kind words she said, “That was a struggle for a long while.  I just kept praying for God’s direction.” 

Then he spent a summer as a youth minister in The Dalles, Oregon and everything changed.  He wrote to her saying he was open to being a missionary and surrendered his life to preach and pursue being a pastor.  I asked what she thought when she read that letter…

She smiled really big and got tears in her eye and said, “oh, I was thankful and yelled in celebration!”  After all these years, telling about this moment still brought joyful tears to her eyes…lovely.

Kind of wish I could have been there to see that.

She went on to tell me how she remembers the first time he held her hand.  And after they were married, how they served at a church for a few of their young married years, then she went to a missions conference that was highlighting missions in Eastern Africa.  She said, “they were giving out the Comission magazine so I took one and brought it home.”

Apparently he read it.  Because he came to her and explained the article he read and she even told me the picture that he was looking at in the magazine that God began to use to send them to Africa(men holding a log with 9 on one end and only 1 man on the other end).  The article said something like who needs your help? 

He told her we need to go help that one man in East Africa. 

I asked her what she felt in that moment…she said, “Thankful and excited.  We were going overseas…where I knew God had called me to go long before.  God had given me peace to wait and now we were going.”

She told of discovering they weren’t able to have children and how God orchestrated them to adopt two children, just coinciding with their visits to the states.  She told me how both of their boys had loved God and how they had walked away from God at times, but one is walking with Jesus now.  She spoke tenderly about the son who asked them years ago not to talk to him about God anymore. 

She had tears in her eyes again.  Because of her love for her son and her Jesus.  She simply said, “We keep praying for him even though we can’t talk to him about Jesus.”

I cried with her.  We had a mom heart-to-heart moment.

We continued our conversation until we landed…Becky and I.  A woman whose heart was gripped by Jesus at a young age and never looked back.  A woman whose life is rich because she followed Jesus where He asked her to go.  A woman who encouraged me with her story and whose faith was evident even when life didn’t make sense.

I had been at a large Church planting conference that week and as we talked she shared that she lived in the area and had attended some of it as well.  One of the speakers quoted someone saying, “what matters at the end of your life is what continues when you are gone.”  Her life mattered in Africa and continues to every Sunday they drive to a neighboring city to pick up their grandkids to bring them to church.  No matter where she lives her life matters.  To Jesus and for Jesus.

I want God to use my life to matter.  I want my life to matter.  I want to be retired and encourage someone with the ways I have experienced God in my life…simply by telling my story and how it’s really a part of God’s story.  God is weaving and has been for over 2,000 years a greater story with Himself at the center of it. 

I want my story to really be a story about Him.