Finding God's grace in normal life

Wednesday, October 1, 2014 song (the first 14 years)

Our Marriage in Song-the first 14 years...
I've been working on this blog the longest of any yet...This started on a long drive as I was the only one choosing the music and in any good "girl" fashion began to remember things of the past due to the music played. Since that day, I've been working through this in my mind in an attempt to portray an overview of the best timeline of our marriage in song. Now, I will put out there that it's not for the faint of heart, for I seek to be honest. A disclaimer, there is no completely perfect song where every line and stanza is exactly us, therefore I am pulling out the appropriate verses and lyrics to match each year of our marriage.  My songs are all over the board of type of music...but the lyrics won me.

Happy 14th anniversary Handsome K, consider this my e-card!

Yr 0-2.
Not a lot of money, but lots of mountain bike rides and stove top stuffing.  Once a young guy in Texas about to finish college read these lyrics to a young doe-eyed girl living in far from home, in Georgia, over the phone that actually plugged into the wall.  That young girl hung up the phone and sat in the middle of her bed and said aloud to herself, "He LOVES ME!"  My life has forever changed since that moment.  Living on love and not much else, without community or family nearby our first years we relied on each other a lot.  I believe this developed us well beyond just the best friends that we had been for 4 years but developed our oneness in an accelerated pace.  Our early years of marriage (while working on our graduate degrees) weren't glamorous but they were fun and carefree and life shaping.  Here's "our" song.

 I could not ask for more (Edwin McCain)

Lying here with you 
Listening to the rain 
Smiling just to see the smile upon your face 
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive 
These are the moments I'll remember all my life 
I found all I've waited for 
And I could not ask for more 
Looking in your eyes 
Seeing all I need 
Everything you are is everything to me 
These are the moments 
I know heaven must exist 
These are the moments I know all I need is this 
I have all I've waited for 
And I could not ask for more 

I could not ask for more than this time together 
I could not ask for more than this time with you 
Every prayer has been answered 
Every dream I have's come true 
And right here in this moment is right where I'm meant to be 
Here with you here with me 

These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive 
These are the moments I'll remember all my life 
I've got all I've waited for 
And I could not ask for more 

Yr 2-3.
I'm pretty sure we believed we could take on the world and do anything with God and each other.  The world felt huge and ripe with opportunity.  We were far from our homeland but close in our hearts; learning the beauty of each other's vulnerable soft underbelly.  The place we only share with each other.  Sweet.  Vulnerable.
Never change a thing.

World traveler (andrew peterson)

...I had hardly seen a thing
Until I gave that golden ring
To the one who gave her heart to me

And I became a world traveler
That's the day I hit the road
I walked the hills of the human soul
Of a tender girl

I'm a world traveler
She opened the gate and took my hand
Led me into the mystic land
Where her galaxies swirl

So many mysteries I never will unravel
I want to travel the world

Oh, I'm a world traveler
Pack your bags and dig down deep
Ride the storms and sail the seas
To the distant pole

I'm a world traveler
Into these uncharted lands
To blaze a trail in the vast expanse
Of the heart and soul

In the grace of the God of peace
Let's wade into the battle
So come on, come on with me
And get up in that saddle

There's a million mysteries I'm ready to unravel
Come on, let's travel the world

Yr. 3-4.
Life is so rich, loving you.  I didn't know that love could go so deep and be so true and safe.  You have taught me about unconditional love, my attraction for you goes deeper than you being my tall dark and handsome.  Your heart and your mind draw me in and I want nothing more than to move through life by your side...whatever life brings, wherever God takes us.

I melt (Rascal Flatts)

I melt every time you look at me that way 
It never fails, anytime, any place 
This burn in me is the coolest thing I've ever felt 
I melt 

Don't know how you do it 
I love the way I lose it, every time 
What's even better 
Is knowing that forever you're all mine 
The closer you get, the more my body aches 
One little stare from you is all it takes 

I melt.

Yr. 4-5.
Serving, loving, graduate degrees, moving, leaving friends, being away from family...all is way better and much much more fun with you.  The scenery changed, where we call home changed, our community was far away and God reminded us how special what we have is, what He had given us.  We lived and breathed the same air most of our days and shared in joys and sorrows together.  We had few worries and almost no heavy responsibilities in our life.

I will be here (Stephen Curtis Chapman)

Tomorrow morning if you wake up
And the sun does not appear
I... I will be here
If in the dark we lose sight of love
Hold my hand and have no fear
'Cause I... I will be here

I will be here
When you feel like being quiet
When you need to speak your mind
I will listen
And I will be here
When the laughter turns to crying
Through the winning, losing and trying
We'll be together
'Cause I will be here

Tomorrow morning if you wake up
And the future is unclear
I... I will be here
As sure as seasons are made for change
Our lifetimes are made for years
So I... I will be here

I will be here
And you can cry on my shoulder
When the mirror tells us we're older
I will hold you
And I will be here
To watch you grow in beauty
And tell you all the things you are to me
I will be here, hmmm

I will be true to the promise I have made
To you and to the One who gave you to me

Yr. 5-6
Hit the 5 year mark, found out we are expecting our first child, a boy!  Life is moving along and there's nobody I'd like to be on this ride with except for you.  You intrigue me with your vision and desire to live life way above the norm, you push me to be a better person.  It's been just you and me for years, the baby just enhanced my love for you.  Part of me and part of you, a lot of God's work.  You talk about starting new things and reaching more college students for Jesus.  You're a dreamer and I love you.  Some tough times with job and people, but you kept on.  You are a fighter for your dreams, the vision that God has burned into you.

You've got a friend (James Taylor)

You just call out my name, and you know where ever I am
I'll come running to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer, or fall, all you have to do is call and I'll be there, yeah, yeah,
you've got a friend.

If the sky above you should turn dark and full of clouds
and that old north wind should begin to blow,
keep your head together and call my name out loud.
Soon I will be knocking upon your door.
You just call out my name, and you know where ever I am
I'll come running to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer, or fall, all you have to do is call and I'll be there.

Hey, ain't it good to know that you've got a friend? People can be so cold.
They'll hurt you and desert you. Well, they'll take your soul if you let them,
oh yeah, but don't you let them.

Yr. 6-7.
A baby and headed into big transitions with ministry.  When life's unknowns and stresses heated up we had trouble being on the same team together...we remembered our early years and knew we'd always be there for each other, our safe place was threatened but our love and commitment were strong.  We were about to enter the hardest 1 1/2 years of our marriage.  Being married is the hardest BEST thing we've ever done.  I'd rather do it with you than anyone in the entire world.  You have brought me on a great adventure with risk and unknowns that I wouldn't have dared to approach, your faith has changed me and the course of my life with Jesus for the better.

Dancing in the minefields (andrew peterson)

We went dancing in the minefields
We went sailing in the storm
And it was harder than we dreamed
But I believe that's what the promise is for

"I do" are the two most famous last words
The beginning of the end
But to lose your life for another I've heard
Is a good place to begin
'Cause the only way to find your life
Is to lay your own life down
And I believe it's an easy price
For the life that we have found

And we're dancing in the minefields
We're sailing in the storm
This is harder than we dreamed
But I believe that's what the promise is for
So when I lose my way, find me
When I loose love's chains, bind me
At the end of all my faith, till the end of all my days
When I forget my name, remind me

'Cause we bear the light of the Son of Man
So there's nothing left to fear
So I'll walk with you in the shadowlands
Till the shadows disappear
'Cause he promised not to leave us
And His promises are true
So in the face of all this chaos, baby,
I can dance with you!

Yr. 7-8.
We made some unfortunate patterns in the midst of the hardest season of our church, new stress, new baby, new expectations and role changes...learning how to be husband and wife with clearer healthier defined roles the hard way.  Going in and out of being roommates and confidants, we were still each other's favorite, just harsh toward each other and allowing a seed of bitterness to grow a little.  Some things changed and I learned to love you no matter what and expect nothing in return.  Not a martyr just more like Jesus.  Loving even when its not recognized or met with a soft word is what you did toward me, taught me to love like Jesus.  I wanted so much of what we'd had in the past, believed in the security that you provided but also prayed for my heart to be transformed.

Help me remember (rascal flats)

Help me remember
The way that we used to be
When nothing else mattered
"cause you were lovin' me
Just for the night, one last time
One more good memory
When I look back
That's what I wanna see

Oh, help me remember

Those days that were so good
Those nights that we held
Held on forever
When we weren't pretenders
We were as real as we felt
Oh, I don't want to fight anymore
Don't want the last thing I hear tonight
To be a slammin' door
Baby, let it be like before

Water runs dry (Boyz 2 Men, don't judge haha)

Now they can see the tears in our eyes
But we deny the pain that lies deep in our hearts
Well maybe that's a pain we can't hide
Cause everybody knows that we're both torn apart
Why do we hurt each other
Why do we push love away

Let's don't wait till the water runs dry
We might watch our whole lives pass us by
Let's don't wait till the water runs dry
We'll make the biggest mistake of our lives

Yr. 8-9.
We're running toward each other, remembering what it's suppose to be about...desire and love and attraction never left, they were just underneath a bunch of other things.  Marriage is the hardest thing I've ever done but I'm so in love with you.  The Lord has broken me, I think I will always fight the same battles until Glory.  You are steadfast, a man of integrity, my favorite...loving me even when you see my ugly cry, cries revealing our hatred toward sin.

Come On get higher (Matt Nathanson)

If I could walk on water
If I could tell you what's next
I'd make you believe
I'd make you forget

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love

I miss the sound of your voice
Loudest thing in my head
And I ache to remember
All the violent, sweet
Perfect words that you said

'Cause everything works, love
Everything works in your arms.

Closer to love-matt Kearney

Where we could feel the storm blowin' down with the wind
And don't apologize
For all the tears you've cried
You've been way too strong now for all your life
I'm gonna get there soon,
You're gonna be there too
Cryin' in your room,
Prayin' Lord come through
We're gonna get there soon

Oh, it's your light
Oh, it's your way
Pull me out of the dark
Just to show me the way
Cryin' out now
From so far away...
Pull me closer to love
Closer to love

Yr. 9-10.
A decade of much to be thankful for!  Aside from my confidence in my relationship with Jesus, there isn't anything Earthly that I'm sure about like I am us.  You are one of the most steady people I know.  You don't quit no matter are a truth teller and I love to hate it sometimes, but you have lead us deeper in love and in this pursuit of living like Christ.  2 babies now, and we run off to Maui, you spoiled me.  We are more in love than we thought possible, walking side by side again.  Learning what it means to be husband and wife...should we already know this?  I'll spend the rest of my life figuring it out with you.  Found out we're expecting #3 right after our trip, there is no one on earth I'd rather do this thing called marriage with but YOU!  I'm yours.  Forever.

I'm yours (Jason Marz)

Before the cool dawn run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
And nothing's gonna stop me but divine intervention.
I reckon, it's again my turn
To win some or learn some.

I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and I laughed.
But I won't hesitate
No more, no more.
It cannot wait,
I'm yours.

Yr. 10-11.
We might not understand each other completely, but I think you are amazing!  Had our 3rd, a delightful surprise--a baby boy, life is full.  Our church has had some babies as well.  Some falling down and scrapping our knees in the metaphorical sense.  It's a weight to bear and you bear it so well.  You lead with passion and I pray our boys grow up to be just like their of integrity, passion, purity.  I pray our daughter marries a man of character like her daddy.  My love for you is easy, constant, and I'm seeing the world through our kids eyes now.  Thankful they have a man in their life that I can say, "Follow Him, He'll lead you to Jesus."  Your example of love is huge.  We weathered this newborn the best yet together...that's attributed to God transforming our hearts and minds.  I'm thankful for where we are and look forward to the next 50 years.

Amazing (josh kelley)

You paint a picture on the wall 
Cause you've got a lot to tell me 
But you don't think you could say it better oh baby

So come on let me see
I say baby you are amazing 
I want to let you see 
That you are everything and more to me 
I will let you be I will I will

Cause I saw you walking down the hall 
And I had a lot to tell you 
But I didn't think you could say it better oh baby

Cause I'm dancing around 
In your world of play
I'm takin my time to make sure you stay 
I would give my life to make it okay yeah
So come on let me see...

Yr. 11-12.
Sweet, harmony, bringing out the best in each place.  Parenting is a full time job, we are running this race quickly and yet at times it seems like a marathon, that I never want to end.  In fact, you cheered me on in my first Tri and I cheered you on in your 204 mile bike ride.  The discipline and drive you have for life was exhibited for our kids to see; every mile we drove to meet you from Seattle to Portland.  We've been learning about how we relate to others and how our personalities relate to the world. I'm a Feeler, you're a thinker.  Rejoice in our differences...pretty sure that's what we were told before we were wed.  Your excitement and desire for fun makes our family way more fun.  I'm so in love with you and it just keeps getting better.

Smile (Uncle Kracker)
                             You're better than the best
I'm lucky just to linger in your light
Cooler than the flip-side of my pillow (that's right)
Completely unaware
Nothing can compare to where you send me
It lets me know that it's okay (yeah, it's okay)
And the moments when my good times start to fade
You make me smile like the sun,
Fall outta bed
Sing like a bird,
Dizzy in my head
Spin like a record,
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool,
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold,
Buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh, you make me smile
Even when you're gone
Somehow you come along
Just like a flower poking through the sidewalk crack
And just like that
You steal away the rain
And just like that
You make me smile
Don't know how I lived without you
'Cause every time that I get around you
I see the best of me inside your eyes
Just the thought of you can drive me wild

Oh, you make me smile

Yr. 12-13.
We've gotten in a melodic rhythm in our life...welcome after so many years with big changes. What will God do in the coming years. We often say how much we love the family God has given us. Our kids, their unique personalities...our daily life, our community of friends...we are richly blessed with those things you cannot touch and those are my favorite.  Authentic, love.  You push me to see ministry opportunities that you believe I have before me.  You push me to view the world with lenses not like my own.  Your belief in me gives me the encouragement to move mountains...starting with the three little impressionable hearts in our home.  We have the blessed privilege to share some of what god has been doing on the Palouse with people beyond the's a humble journey and my heart explodes as I walk beside you doing what you were called to do. We are living the dream; you have made my dreams come true...old and new dreams.  I remember walking with two couples (10+ years ago) who had just gotten engaged. They were touchy and cute...we had been married about 3 years. I asked you as we walked behind them if you miss that giddy feeling of the beginning.  You stopped me, turned me to you and said, "I still have those feelings for you, they are just deeper and more intimate...I wouldn't want to go back because I wouldn't want to trade the intimacy we have now for that."  It just keeps getting better doesn't it?  And I love it. 

Then (Brad Paisley)

I remember trying not to stare when I first met you, you had me mesmerized.
And three weeks (3 years for us) later in the front porch light taking 45 minutes to say goodnight.
I hadn't told you yet but I thought I loved you then

But now you're my whole life, now you're my whole world
And I just can't believe the way I feel about you
Like a river meets the sea, stronger than it's ever been
We've come so far since that day and I thought I loved you then

I can see you with our baby on the way
I can see you when your hair is turning gray
What I can't see is how I'm ever gonna love you more
But I've said that before

We'll look back someday at this moment that we're in
And I'll look at you and say, "and I thought I loved you then."

Yr. 13-14.
I'm thankful you see the importance of spending time with our kids individually and all together as a family. You make our life fun and exciting.  You desire to bring us along with you if possible to the places your job takes you. What memories we've created this year!  You are a wonderful dad to our growing children and you loving them means so much to their confidence and have no idea.  You are so amazingly attractive to me, not only my tall,dark handsome but the spiritual leader in our family that I prayed for since my late teen years. (Prayers I prayed probably even sitting right beside you at some point when we were In college and not knowing that God would answer my heart's desire with you!) You lead our family wisely through big decisions, we began building a house this year. With God's grace, we stayed on the same team throughout the long and at times difficult process. Another thing I begged God for before I was married...that I would trust my husband's relationship with you as my own.  We are one in so many ways and this isn't lacking in our relationship with God. I remember the first time I told you that I trusted your relationship with God. It was a big deal to me that day and it still is.  I'll follow you anywhere because I know you'll only take us where God leads us. 

The only one and only you (Stephen Curtis Chapman)

You're better than a Beethoven symphony
And Mona Lisa wishes she could be a masterpiece like you
More than any Michelangelo when I look at you I know
You are the only one and only you

There is music in your laughter the world has never heard before
You came and brought a melody
The way you see it the way you say it
When your sad and glad and so much more
All these gifts only you can bring...

Wonderfully carefully woven together by God's own hand
You are the only one and only you

Handsome K, You are my favorite, Thank you Jesus for my husband, the father of our children, the man who desires to lead like you do.  Happy 14th anniversary (09/09/14)....I could not ask for more!