There are some moments that make you think about your life.
Think about the people you love.
Think about the things you have experienced.
We had a moment like that recently.
On a trans-america flight with Handsome K, with our kids at home with someone else, we had that kind of moment. It’s hard to know what you will actually do, how you will respond, and what you will feel until you are there. Until you are in that kind of moment that you aren’t sure you will see through to the other side on this Earth.
We were just watching our in flight movie about an hour from touch down…when the moment began. In an instant we quickly realized there was nothing in our control to do but wait. The plane bounced with turbulence, the movie went black and the oxygen masks fell down in front of us. It took a second to realize what happened, it was a confusing second. I only had time to think, when is someone going to say “oops that was an accident, someone hit the wrong button.”
But that didn’t happen.
The flight crew begin to say what those of us who fly have heard so many times about putting the mask on, pull tight, cover your nose and mouth…the stewardess walked quickly down the plane only once saying over and over make sure you cover you nose and mouth.
I thought to myself, I’m not sure how to do this…why didn’t I listen a little better in all those safety briefings. I looked at Handsome K and only wanted to kiss him, but the whole mask situation made that impossible so I grabbed his hand.
The airplane was still and people were quiet. I looked down the aisle and saw worry and fear in the eyes of my fellow passengers…I know they saw that in my eyes too.
We were descending and our ears were definitely letting us know we were moving through the altitude quickly.
I looked at Handsome K’s eyes and tears began to stream down my cheeks. We held hands tightly. He gave me a look, similar to the look he gave me back in college when I was scared to go down my first black ski slope…the you can do this, take a deep breath look. The don’t loose it, it won’t change anything look.
The captain informed us that the airplane has lost cabin pressure and we were descending to get to a safe altitude, he said we were close and told us he was in contact with someone (I can’t remember who) to determine if we needed to land or if we could make it to Atlanta.
Things he DID NOT say: everything is alright, no need to worry, we will be fine, I know exactly what caused this, this happens all the time, we can safely land…
I began to shake, all over. Still gripping Keith’s hand. I thought about how my kids would hear about this. I wanted the kids to not just hear that my plane went down and we died, I had a desperate feeling to communicate with them one more time yet I couldn’t. What is the point when you try to send a goodbye video?
Though I felt out of control I wasn’t scared of my fate, I know Jesus and that means that when I tried to talk to Him in the moment I just felt peace but basically prayed, “God I don’t know what to say. Intervene. Protect my kids.”
We simultaneously grabbed our phones…I felt a bit desperate to communicate something that could be shared with our kids. I typed “MO” then decided no probably not Mom…and then decided to text my dear friend some pretty confusing disturbing texts because they weren’t sending in the right order. Handsome K was trying to open up his map to figure out where we were. I sent a silent disturbing video that I wasn’t sure would send to some friends but couldn’t say anything. I text my flight number, told my friend that she was my phone a friend that we had lost cabin pressure and if needed tell the kids we love them. I text our babysitter simply asking about the day and to tell the kids I love them to the moon later they may realize these were my last words to them. I had no idea if any of these text were going to make it through.
Then I got a text back from our kids, “they said to tell you they love you to the moon and around the sun because that’s farter.”
I continued to cry and shake.
I wondered if someone was going to get up and start going crazy from anxiety…I looked down the aisle again, a few others looked like they’d been crying too.
Finally, the captain spoke and said we had reached a safe altitude that we could take off the masks. Then the stewardess, a sweet older lady with a thick southern accent, was saying “honey it’s ok, you can take off the mask.” I wasn’t sure I wanted to…what if it wasn’t really safe. She’s also paid to be calm, but I’m sure she was freaking out inside.
They said we were going to go on to Atlanta to land, which was our destination so it seemed that we were not in an emergency state anymore…but nobody was reassuring us that we were in the clear. The people sitting beside the window had the shade down, and I so desperately wanted to see how dire the situation as we approached landing. Did we have what we needed to land? Would they tell us if we were going to crash? What are the rules of the airlines?
In the end, we were just fine and when our wheels touched down the entire plane let out the tension we had all experienced and applauded! People immediately started talking and I knew that I was definitely not alone in the feeling of being out of control and thinking thoughts of the end of life.
I wasn’t scared for my future, just desperate to communicate something to my kids. I didn’t really know what to think or how to feel. My body responded through tears and shaking…I think because I was out of control and the unknown left in this life. I know that Jesus died for me on the cross in my place for the forgiveness of my sins. My belief that He is the sacrifice in my place began a relationship between God and I years ago. I am confident of this and sure of what happens when I die.
I know all of our days are numbered before one of them came to be. I want my life to count to advance the gospel. Am I living my moments with purpose and intention? Am I living for something other than my own comfort and security?
I want my moments to count…in what really was about 45 minutes of unknown I am thankful that I am certain of some things in my life. I want to give my life away in the moments left on earth.
God, teach me what that looks like and how to live my moments for Your Glory.
"Whatever you do, do everything for God's glory." I Corinthians 10:31
