On April 4th I went inside the grocery store for the first time in over 3 weeks. For a month I had been without flour because the kids went on a cookie baking spree the weekend before the pandemic hit. Therefore, we were completely out. I really wasn’t worried since we don’t have to have it to live but simply for the reason of not being able to get something typically readily available...it became a continual hunt. Each week when I’d schedule our grocery pickup it continued to be out of stock. I checked at our smaller store and...NONE. I checked in our neighboring town...OUT! I looked on amazon...way too pricy! In my kid’s lifetime or mine for that matter there hasn’t been a moment when a staple pantry item wasn’t available for a month. So I went into yet another grocery store after our Saturday bike ride today. I left Keith and the kids in the car and volunteered as tribute to go in. I had a mission that was two fold...flour and eggs. I wanted to be able to make our Easter tea cake cookies as we always do. I wanted to not miss this one part of our usual life and fun. The pandemic was taking some things from us but I didn’t want it to be this too. I went in and instantly it was different.
People in masks.
Signs for 6’ social distancing on the floor.
Nobody looking anybody in the eye.
I found the baking aisle and sighed because it was wiped out 4 shelves high. I saw the signs that were saying only 2 per person. I walked all the way to the end and then leaned down to look on the bottom shelf...there were 3 bags! I grabbed my 2 and actually got teary. I became emotional as I realized something we were wanting was found. Something that we needed was in my grasp. I triumphantly walked toward the eggs and saw yet another sign that said “Limit 1 per person.” So I grabbed my egg carton but paused as I looked at the food that was now being rationed per customer. It felt surreal to see the limits on something that all my life was available in abundance. I got teary again.
I headed to check out touching as few things as possible and staying a social distance away from everyone. I was thinking of how life was so different from just a month ago. How many things I’ve taken for granted. How my ability to endure “hard” circumstances have mostly had a deadline or an end in sight.
This does not.
This is unknown.
Our world is changing.
As I left the grocery store almost in tears because of the feelings of change, but not really certain what that means in our life, in our years, in our future...I walked toward the car where my husband and children were waiting. I was overwhelmed with thankfulness for my items in my bag and the 4 people in the car waiting for me. I glanced at the back window through my tears and saw 3 kids pushing to see out of the same window looking at me. They were waiting to see if I had what I went in for. They were waiting to see if what we couldn’t find was found. I valiantly held up my grocery bag with 2 bags of flour...
And they cheered.
They smiled.
They rejoiced.
It made me laugh and cry at the same time. I’m not entirely sure they even know what all we normally use flour for but they were in this with me. They realized something we needed wasn’t available. And when it was found they rejoiced and I wept.
I have not known rationing and limits per customer in grocery items.
They do.
They understand stories that my grandparents told me better than I do.
Is it the same when I run to God. I bet it’s kind of like my kids rejoicing over flour but many times more. He rejoices. He smiles. He provides what I need. When one of us is found, He rejoices over the one lost sheep. I just have to turn to Him to see it.
I got the flour but what I actually acquired was perspective. A little more like God’s. He is in this with me. He rejoices when I return to Him. He weeps with me. He rejoices with me. He is enough. Flour or not. The “what ifs” and “whys” remain unknown, but God is known. My future and the picture I had in my mind is changing, but God doesn’t change. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow...pandemic or not.
Luke 15:3-7
Then Jesus told them a parable: “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the 99 in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over 99 righteous persons who do not need to repent.”
