year 15 and year 16...keep getting better!

I've chosen to chronicle each year of life in my anniversary note to my Handsome K, included in each a song for our love and life that year...this is a continuation of previous anniversary posts...I'm the greatest fan of his life!  

9/9/00-9/9/16

Year 16

It seems true that time continues to pass quicker as we age.  Seems like this year went by so fast.  This year has had many refreshing moments.  After a tough year the Lord has been faithful to answer my prayers for you to let go of some heavy bricks…and be refreshed!  The Lord has renewed and called us to a larger vision than we previously had.  God breathed life into us and continues to ask us to be obedient and I believe that is because you are willing to risk and ready to do whatever God asks.  I believe our kids will always understand what it means to give up ourselves for the sake of God’s glory…it is a much better life.  Counter-cultural, don’t care.  American dream, don’t care.  God’s plan is bigger.   You are brave and confident of that and I’ll follow you because I trust you’re following God. 

 

This year’s song is not new but to me has always been so good.  I’ve always thought of you and how over time I just love you more…you can still make me stop and stare.  I’m captivated. 

We are each other’s crying shoulder and I’m the greatest fan of your life.

I’ll Be-Edwin McCain

The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful

Stop me and steal my breath

Emeralds from mountains and thrust towards the sky

Never revealing their depth

Tell me that we belong together

Dress it up with the trappings of love

I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips

Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

I'll be your cryin' shoulder

I'll be love suicide

I'll be better when I'm older

I'll be the greatest fan of your life

And rain falls angry on the tin roof

As we lie awake in my bed

You're my survival, you're my living proof

My love is alive and not dead

9/9/00-9/9/15

Year 15

This has been a rough, long year…thankfully not in marriage but in other ways.  We stayed on each other’s team.  We learned more about what God talks about when He says wives and husbands are helpmates.  When I am weak you are strong and I hope to be the same for you with Jesus’ strength.  You have walked through some difficult decisions this year that I am so proud of you for your perseverance…asking God for clarity and for conviction of sins.  I’ve seen you vulnerable in ways I haven’t yet seen.  And I thought I’d seen all of you.  Your character is unshakeable, your persistence to pursue the prize heavenward in Christ Jesus is something I pray protection over and get to see firsthand.  I continue to be amazed by who you are and pushed to be a better me because of you.  15 years…wow!  We have so much to be thankful for in the past 15 years, God has the story moving forward…parenting struggles, relational decisions, ministry leaps, new church plants, the privilege of spending our lives on something greater…oh, I pray this never changes, the reliance upon God for strength, wisdom and breath.  You are a man of integrity, I saw that back in 1995 and that is only reinforced by your life through the years.  Thank you for having the determination to persevere and lead our family on the great adventure! 

 

I am nuts about you…still.  And I cannot imagine life without you.  Nobody makes me laugh like you.  Nobody makes me think like you.  Nobody helps me believe in me like you do.  AND Nobody could possibly believe in you as much as I do.  Nobody has access to my heart like you do.  You are worthy of my respect and you get it over and over…I will spend my life giving you my respect for who you are and who you have become even during this past season.  I am yours…forever and always!  I could not ask for more.   And we will be TOGETHER facing life’s ups and downs as long as the Lord allows.

TOGETHER-Stephen Curtis Chapman

Here we stand, here we are

With all our wounds and battle scars

From all the storms and all the wars we’ve weathered together

We had no way of knowing when

We started way back there and then

How the road would twist and turn and bend

We just knew we belonged together

And if it wasn’t for God’s mercy and His grace

There’s no way we would be standing in this place

But because He has been faithful

Every step along the way

Here we are together

We’ve climbed up mountains higher than

Were ever in our hopes and plans

We’ve held onto each other’s hands

Watched miracles unfold together

And we’ve crawled on our hands and knees

Through valleys cold and dark and deep

Sometimes not even sure if we could make it out alive together

Reflections of sacrificial living through the Eyes of my 8 year old

We celebrated the marriage of two of our own church planters this week.  I once told Handsome K “that guy is going to plant a church.” He is now.  I once heard that girl (while in Houston at a conference) say she was made for this and she knows she will be involved with church planting.  They fell in love and are now church planters. 

Princess K had the opportunity to drop petals down the aisle before the bride walked down.  She relished the day, getting attention from the bridesmaids and others.  She told me she kept saying to herself “this is Chris and Tannis’ day” so she wouldn’t forget.  In part, I think, because she was also having so much fun.  This made me smile because I gave a passionate hopeful mommy speech about not complaining and not distracting from the bride and groom because in fact it was their day not ours.  She was surrounded by women who love Jesus and spent time treating her like a real person, not just a kid who is in the background.  I love that about our church and our staff.  Princess K loves deeply and treasures relationships…she has a heart that will probably be broken and disappointed many times through her elementary, middle and high school years.  She will learn about expectations and how only God will not fail her, hurt her or leave her.

Leaving.

It’s hard when people leave.

When we got in the car, all of us excited and a bit tired…she climbed into the back seat and began to cry.  A heartfelt deeply sad cry with immediate tears.  I glanced at Handsome K and crawled back with her.  I asked her to tell me what she’s feeling, to tell me what is making her cry.  She said, “I don’t like that we plant new churches and people have to leave.  It’s sad.  Chris and Tannis are moving and I won’t see them.  Some of my friends (she used this to refer to the bridesmaids who showed her love and attention, ladies you play an important role in my daughter’s life) are leaving. Last year Craig and Kellie left.”

She said all of this through her tears while burying her head on me and having a hard time talking.

Our church is pushing back darkness on college campuses, starting new churches to do so.  We are prayerfully raising up leaders and sending out teams to go.  Princess K said it well, sometimes we don’t want to see them go because for our sake we like it better with them here.  But for the Gospel’s sake they must go.  Princess K is learning about sacrificing our comfort for God’s call.  Princess K is learning about Love for Jesus over love for what’s easy and makes sense.  Princess K is a feeler like her momma.  We feel this deeply and it’s hard…but they must go. 

We were talking about Moses’ response to God’s call this morning while the kids ate their brown sugar cinnamon bagels (cool mom=1, healthy breakfast=0).  We saw how Moses doubted God was telling him to go, he doubted that God will also go with him and give him the words to say.  God kind of told Moses…ok I’ll send your brother with you to do the talking if you doubt me so much.  We talked about how Moses missed out  because God was looking for him to simply be obedient and God would equip him for what he was being called to do.  But God had a plan to push forward and He was going to do it with someone who was willing to be obedient and have faith.  Aaron went along.  Moses doubted. 

 

God still did what He planned to do and used someone with an obedient heart. 

I pray this is what Princess K sees when it’s sad and we ugly cry because people we love have to move.  I had no idea that at 8 years old she felt this way.  God made her with a heart that loves.  I pray that she knows that people will come and go but the Lord is here to stay in her heart…never to go without her, always going before her and being right here with her too. 

Unfathomable…yes. 

But true.

That’s my God.

Help us Lord to think more of your Kingdom than ours.  Teach Princess K to know that pretty dresses and shiny lip gloss don’t make her beautiful, but you inside her is remarkable and radiant.  That’s what she saw in the bride and groom this week…you inside of them, calling them forward to another place.  Remind me to be obedient even in the little things for you desire to call us to bigger things for your kingdom yet seen, more than we can imagine possible.

I witnessed a Holy Moment

September 26, 2015

 

Started out as any other day, a Saturday morning where the kids were asking if we could make waffles.  We were all lying in our bed, the five of us…talking about the Cougar flag being waved at certain televised games. 

When in the middle of the football talk, Princess K says,

“I want to ask Jesus into my heart!” 

We all went silent, it was as if even Baby K knew this was important enough to stop wrestling and flailing about.  She said it again, “I want to ask Jesus into my heart.”  Handsome K and I looked at each other and at her.  I smiled. 

What made you think of this right now?  (looking back I knew the answer, the Holy Spirit of course was prompting her).  She mentioned that she and her friend were talking about it last night and she told her friend she wanted to talk to her mom and dad about it.  Princess K said, “I forgot last night after they left and I remembered when I got up this morning.”  She told me later that she kind of whispered it at first and nobody heard her and then said it again louder.  I think she was excited and nervous and excited and nervous.

We asked her why she wanted Jesus in her heart.  She told us because He forgave her sins when He died on the cross.  She said that in Vacation Bible School she learned a song, ABC…

A-admit that you’re a sinner, B-Believe in Jesus, C-Confess your faith in Jesus.

“That’s what I want to do.”

Rewind the last 10 months…I’ve been praying for Princess K to realize she’s lost so that she may be found.  Growing up around church and ministry and college students who love Jesus she has knowledge about God and His Son, Jesus.  I had been praying that she understood the difference between knowing about Jesus and knowing Jesus, choosing Jesus.  Last December we had one of our interns from church over for dinner and we were talking about spiritual birthdays because hers was coming up.  Little K talked about when his was and I shared about my day briefly…Princess K said, “How do you get one of those?  I don’t have one.”  Little K told her it’s the day you ask Jesus into your heart.  She simply repeated something about not having done that yet.  This was the first glimpse of her understanding she has a choice.  Then two more times she said things like this over the next few months, not having done that yet.

At Easter in April we were reading about Jesus being the light that shows our way. We were talking about how when you choose to follow Jesus you no longer live in darkness but have that light inside of you too.  Light in the dark world.  While standing closely together in our closet (with a candle for emphasis) we talked about being light in the darkness, Princess K said, “I’m dark inside, I don’t have the light yet.”

She was beginning to see that she too has a choice…to choose Jesus or not, to be in darkness or live in the light.  So I knew firsthand that Jesus was drawing her closer to Himself.  When she proclaimed she was ready I was sure my prayers of her knowing she had a decision to make for herself was happening.  God was transforming the heart of my daughter right in front of me.

We talked about Jesus being the bridge that we can choose to walk across leaving our sin on one side of the gap and walking over the bridge that Jesus’ death provides to God’s side. 

“I want to walk across that bridge mommy.”

Next came a very holy moment…

We asked her if she knew what she wanted to say and she said she did.

She talked to Jesus out loud with us hearing her sweet prayer and her life being saved.  My sweet daughter, I’ve prayed for this since your conception.

“God, “A” is admit that I’m a sinner.  I am God.  “B” is believe in Jesus.  I believe Jesus died to forgive me of my sins and I want to walk across His bridge.  “C” confess my faith in you.  Jesus please come into my heart.  I don’t want to be on the side without you.”

Yep, I was crying…tears of joy.  Prayers for my daughter’s future, the narrow road is hard, but so worth it.  Many go through the wide gates and never walk across Jesus’ bridge, but my joyful song just chose to allow Jesus to influence and direct her life on earth…her personal, love relationship with Jesus beginning right there in our bed.

After she prayed, Handsome K told her that the Bible tells us that the angels rejoice when someone believes in Jesus.  The angels are having a party in Heaven because of your decision to choose Jesus.  She smiled really big.   I imagine she was trying to picture a party in Heaven.  She talked about how there might be cake, balloons and  banners and we said I’m sure there is singing!  A party for her in Heaven!

We continued to talk…all enjoying the moment…then Princess K said in a sad small voice.  “Not everyone has walked across the bridge to God huh mom?”

“No.”

“Well, we have to tell them.”

Yes, my little missionary.  We do.

I told her how on Earth she’s my daughter, but in God’s family we are sisters.  We giggled together because that is kind of funny to think about.  We called grandparents, aunts, and uncles that day so she could share her news.  We went to the grocery store and saw a special friend of hers, a girl who has been investing in my daughter in big ways this year; as we were talking she walked up and proudly shared unprompted her decision.  Swooped up in arms; this special young lady in my daughter’s life rejoiced with us!

Recently Handsome K preached about living in the cycle of life (under the sun) vs. living in God’s story (beyond the sun).  She has continued to share her good news…she is beginning her journey as a part of God’s story, beyond the sun.  I know this journey will not be simple, she will fall down.  BUT GOD…will pick her up and forgive and transform and change her to grow more like Him all the days of her life.

I cannot imagine what God has for you Princess K, but your kind and compassionate heart, your imaginative and creative mind, and looking to God to tell you who you are will take you on amazing adventures.  You will soar! 

And keep telling people how to walk across the bridge to life in Jesus!