When did I become me?

Recently Princess K has been talking about birthday parties.  I guess when you're 3 and you have no concept of time and an active imagination you think about fun things people can do for you.  

She has been choosing everyone's birthday theme according to what she deems appropriate. 

She's chosen hers, her brothers, some friends and neighbors.  She simply looks at them and says, "Yours will be...."  to which most reply, "what are you talking about?"  This doesn't stop her, she's on a mission.  

The other day she was on her choosing cycle again and said this...

"Mine will be princess, Little K's will be dinosaurs, Baby K's will be (giggling) babies, Daddy's will be motorcycles, and Mommy's will be....pause as she thinks of what my party theme will be.

I'm thinking of all the possibilities she has to choose from.  Will she say, "Laundry washer, kitchen sweeper, bathtub scrubber, bottom wiper, mealtime chef, sharing enforcer, hug giver??"

She was still thinking and saying over and over, "Mommy's will be uh uh uh uh..."

She finally says, with a huge oversized smile and a twinkle in her eye, "Just Mommies."

Yep that about sums it up I guess.  

I am Mommy.  

When did I become me?  

I like this me, but it's different than it used to be.  I still try to be organized and plan ahead and know what to expect in any given situation.  But, I forget things, retrace my steps alot, often while saying, "It's not ok to hit your brother," or "remember to use kind words instead of your hands."  I am still me, I'm just different.  I have been given 3 wonderful little lives to mold and shape.  I pray everyday that I am training them up in the way they should go.

This made me think about a journal prayer I wrote awhile back, one I actually put in a scrapbook, that I actually pull out and read every now and then.  

It helps remind me when I became the me that I am.

I wrote this on 12-14-2008

"My passion in life has changed, that's okay-my passion used to be different, now it's little people, my little people...(a smile, a hug, a kiss, a cry).  My passion used to have more status and measurable success, now my passions are a blank slate, a willing heart, an impressionable mind.  My passion used to fuel my personality and drive me to a place and a people...now my passion goes wherever I go and drives my every thought and decision.  My passion now makes life harder, but richer.  My passion shows me how Jesus loves me as His child, how he would give anything for me, how He did give everything for me, my passion interrupts my daily life and agenda-changes my plans, but the plans are much more meaningful now, more important!  I feel that my life has taken a turn-sometimes I don't feel like me, maybe because I'm someone new and different, I have changed just like my passion and maybe that's okay."

God promises in Jeremiah 29:11 that He knows the plans He has for me, plans to give me a hope and a future.  I have held onto this verse as my favorite for over a decade.  God knows what is best and has blessed me with these.  He knew I would become this me way before I did.

So maybe I would have a mommy party.  Where my treasure is there is my heart.

And that would reveal my passion.  That would reveal my heart.

introducing satan...

After church the kids and I were sitting at the table over our regular sunday night dinner of oatmeal, and Karson was talking to Karis about how we don't hate people. I had a momentary memory of my childhood in which I used to tell my parents goodnight and say, "I love everybody, but it's okay to hate the devil." As a child, I knew he must not be good if mom would let me say hate about him. As I remembered this standing in my own kitchen listening to my own kids talk about life, I said in a low voice, almost involuntarily while lost in my thoughts, "you can hate the devil," of course this comment didn't go unnoticed by the big kids.

"Mom, who's the devil?" Karson asked.

"He doesn't like God, and he doesn't love us. He wants us to disobey God."

"Oh, so is he a person?"

"No, he's not." (how do you explain this to a 5 and 3 yr. old?) "He wants you to not listen to God and not love God."

"So he talks to me like God does?"

yikes!!! No back up this isn't where I want this to go...

"He can put thoughts in your head and then you have a choice to listen to God or Satan (I take a moment to explain that most of the time he's called Satan, I didn't want any pitched forked figures to corrupt the reality of Satan's existence.)

"Oh he's the snake with Eve"

"Yes he was a snake in the garden with Adam and Eve" (lovely how even he takes Adam out of the picture when Eve bit the apple, ha ha).

So in all 5 year old wisdom, my son takes a breath and explains it way better than I was doing..."When I am in kindergarten and I think I want to hit someone and I lift my fist (as he does so with oatmeal on his fingers), then I hear God say to my heart, 'stop, I don't want you to do that' then I think and put my fist down."

Ummm, that's good stuff.

"Yes, Karson I think you understand." As I smile at the understanding he assumes.

He replies, "Jesus is a superhero, but without a cape." Interesting train of thought but we go with it.

"I think he is too, tell me why you think so."

"Because He loves us and protects us."

"He sure does sweet boy."

"Well, I love Jesus so can I hate the devil too?"

I take a deep breath and think quickly about all possible ramifications of my answer...

"Yes Karson you can hate the devil too."

I reflected on this and thought of a Heb 10:39, "We are NOT of those who shrink back and are destroyed, we are of those who believe and are saved." What power knowing that Jesus is my superhero brings upon my heart, believing that we have the strength to hate what is evil and do what is good. I don't want to choose to "hit" people with my words because I'm impatient or frustrated or late. I want to have the patience to love all people, except the devil of course.

I just simply have to listen to what God "says to my heart."