Not Alone

Little K threw up at school recess last week and didn't tell anyone. He told me he didn't want anyone to laugh at him. I asked him if he would laugh at someone for throwing up and he kind of looked at me like I was crazy and said, “No Mom.” I asked him if people usually laugh at him, he said no. So I wonder why he was worried about that.

Though I understand not wanting attention for puking, one of my most embarrassing moments was the same thing in elementary.

My heart hurt a little for him...at school without mom to have a warm washcloth to wipe his forehead and hand him a cup of water to rinse his mouth. Instead, he went and stood by the door waiting for recess to be over all alone and no grown-up noticed, probably embarrassed and mortified at having thrown up in front of the K-3^rd graders at his elementary.

He finally told his teacher that his tummy hurt about 10 minutes before school was over. He almost started crying the minute I saw him, it was like he could finally tell someone his heart and how he really felt. The one he is most comfortable with had finally come to retrieve him from his secret sickness on the playground.

He wanted to fall into my arms and hug me, when usually he runs full force to the large pile of icy snow left in the parking lot. His eyes were wet and at the same time fighting back those tears in an effort to be brave.

I guess I can't be there for all of the hard, embarrassing, sick times in his life.

I wasn't there.

To hug him.

To reassure him.

I love that boy. I want him to feel safe.

God wants to be the one who's “there” for me, for Little K.

The One we can be most comfortable with is always listening. I want to teach Little K this. How does this look in real life when we have to face regular gross stuff. How does this feel? How does this change my daily life?

I think it gives me hope I wouldn't have otherwise. God gives me hope because He is always there for me...whether I'm puking on the playground, around people who aren't very nice or when I have to make hard decisions to follow others or make good choices.

I have taught my kids from early on to “get control” by folding their hands together and taking a deep breath. Recently, I have remembered why I did that and will start reminding them.

So that they could remember that even in their frustrated times they can ask God for help “getting control” of themselves. Folding our hands can remind us that God is near and I can talk to him.

Like if I feel all alone and embarrassed.

Maybe I need to fold my hands more to.