I had a disgruntled moment and felt as though my life would never be organized again (I am packing up all we own in boxes right now, so this is a legitimate feeling of course)...
In the midst of my heart feeling chaotic and a little bit frustrated I said something I didn't really mean because well, it wasn't true. But in that very moment it felt true, but it wasn't.
I was picking up after one of the K's in my house (I promise I am teaching them to pick up after themselves, but I help out sometimes too) and I mumbled under my breath in my frustration.
"Why, am I the only one who ever picks up anything around here."
Boy am I selfish.
I didn't know that little ears were listening. Which is silly. Aren't they always listening?
I proceeded picking up and walked into the next room to find my Conscientious Perfectionist crying with tears streaming down his sweet face.
"Mom, you said nobody ever picks up and I do Mommy. I pick up lots of my stuff and even help Princess K and Baby K pick up their stuff."
Why did I say that out loud? Why did I even think that?
Selfishness. Desire for control.
I fall to my knees and grab ahold of Little K and give him a deep meaningful heartfelt hug that I hoped was saying I love you and I'm sorry and I didn't mean what I said.
Then why did I say it?
This is confusing to little people. The little people I am teaching to tell the truth.
I was hurtful with my words that I didn't really even mean and that weren't even true. ugh!
I apologized and sought reconciliation with my sweet boy who has always been more perceptive than his years when it comes to people's feelings.
Little K taught me something about my words, re-taught me really.
Say what I mean and mean what I say. I'm sure my Momma taught me that long ago too.
I need reminding alot.
Princess K, my Joyful Song, will randomly say, "Mom, I love you," or "You're my favorite mom." (which is slightly ironic because I'm her only mom, but I get what she means because I tell her she's my favorite girl in the world)
Baby K, my Rambunctious Cuddler, will run full force as fast as his short little legs will carry him and grab onto my leg and squeeze really tight. He also yells at the top of his lungs when I leave the room after putting him to bed, "I love you mommy" to which I yell back "I love you Baby K." Then we yell our I love yous and our goodnights several times.
He's saying I love you. In his own ways.
They are saying what they mean and meaning what they say.
I don't want frustration to rob my joy.
"A fool always loses his temper, but a wise man holds it back." Proverbs 29:11
I was a fool. I want to hold back and eventually not even think those selfish frustrated thoughts.
I'm so thankful that my kids say what they mean...no matter what...
...and mean what they say.