No Regrets

 My kids teach me alot about life.  

Recently, I've been learning more about forgiveness.  I read that if I continue to ask for forgiveness from the Lord over and over then I believe that I am doing my part, but that He isn't doing His part.

 Sometimes I think I ask and ask because I want to forget.  

It's kind of like if you got back in the shower after you just got out...why?  You're already clean.  Did you not think the soap did it's job the first time?  

Silly.  I know.

Occasionally, I have to ask one of my kids to forgive me.  We talk about how I didn't choose God's best way and then I ask.  

They reply, without fail, "I forgive you Mom."  

(As I have taught them to do with each other and friends.)

I had to do this with Princess K and almost before I was finished with my confession she reached up and gave me the sweetest 4 year old hug and said, "I love you mommy and I forgive you."  

Even though I've heard them respond accordingly to each other countless times, it still holds meaning when you are on the receiving end of forgiveness.  

Later that day, I was tempted to bring up my infraction again and ask for forgiveness again.

I think it's my human heart wanting to also erase any damage done by my wrongful actions...

I stopped and remembered, I was given forgiveness in love and we've moved forward.  To ask again, could mean that I didn't really believe I was forgiven the first time.  As much as she knows about forgiveness, she turned the other cheek and went on.  

Instead I prayed that any residual evidence of my words would be washed away and not hurt anymore.  How quickly do I forgive?  How long do I hold something against others?  

One of my favorite songs reminds me "He loves us, oh, He loves us...I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way...He loves us."  Thank you Lord for loving me and reminding me not to continue to ask...you have already forgiven me.  I don't have to live in regret.

No matter how many times Baby K hits at Princess K or breaks Little K's lego creation, they forgive him.

And want to be near him.

No matter how many infractions in one single day all three of them do to each other, they forgive and want to be near each other.  Those moment that I see Princess K gently guiding Baby K up the stairs to the slide, or when Baby K runs to sit by Little K when he's waiting his turn during the game...they want to be near each other.  

They forgive and want to be near each other.

This sounds familiar.

God forgives and wants me to draw near to him.  I don't have time to maintain regrets, just to think about how He loves.

Endless.

Completely.

Sacrificially.

He loves.

You, Lord, are forgiving and good,
    abounding in love to all who call to you. (Psalm 86:5)

Imago Dei

 A recent Sunday at church, I found myself listening with my ears and responding with my heart...

"No human can actually give another human worth...that's God's job.  And better yet, He's already done that.  He created you, each of you in His image," said my attractive pastor while sharing his heart to our church.  (whom I have the privilege of being married to). 

I heard what Handsome K had to say, I began to think of the times, especially in my youth, that I struggled with allowing humans to give me worth or take it from me.  I remember the mean words that I would hear and sometimes speak about people to fit in.  I remember my best friend and I encouraging one another that these light and momentary troubles are not too big for God to handle and help us through.  In my naive young life, I couldn't imagine anything harder than not making cheerleader or not having a date to 9th grade prom (that is way to young to have a prom, right?).   I couldn't imagine anything worse than seeing some friends I love become distant in my life later in high school.  I let people give me worth off and on (and still can) in my life, then I would hear the words of my best friend spoken from an encouraging heart that would help me to remember, "the world doesn't give us worth."

I thought about my past.

I thought about my future.

I thought about my precious innocent kids' future.

I prayed that the Lord would protect their passions and their purity; their innocence and integrity, as I often pray every night and each morning.  

I added something that I will forever be praying for my little loves from now on...

I prayed that they would understand that they are Imago Dei...the image of God, little bearers of God's image, made in His likeness...no human can really give them their worth or tell them who they are...God has already decided that.

I thought about the ramifications of knowing and believing that God is the only one who can tell us who we are.  I thought about how different their future decisions and confidence will be if they move and grow and believe they are made in God's image, He gives them their worth and tells them who they are.

I pray that Little K, Princess K, and Baby K all believe deep down in their being that they are made in the image of God, they are indeed Imago Dei.

Little K has been participating in communion with our church, after accepting Jesus, for a couple months and this week happened to be one of those weeks.  Handsome K lead us to take a moment while we were taking communion and use the marker to write "IMAGO DEI" on our hand to remind us about our identity in Christ.  I jogged out to get Little K from his classroom to join me as usual.

When we got to the front at the communion table, I knelt down to explain to him what the marker was for and ask him if he wanted it on his hand.  I told him that people don't get to tell you who you are, God does.  This will remind us how we are made, who we are made.

He looked in my eyes and said, "Mom will you write it on my arm so it will stay longer."

With tears in my eyes, I wrote IMAGO DEI on my 6 year old's arm and prayed with all my heart that he learns what this means and it affects him the rest of his earthly life.

I pray the same for each of my children, that as God said long ago, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over...all the creatures that move along the ground.” (Genesis 1:26)

That my children believe in the Lord and are saved and believe that no human can give them their identity or worth.

Hear my heart Lord, my forever prayer.

Go Daddy Go

So Handsome K does many amazing things, and he just did another.

He rode his bike 204 miles from Seattle to Portland.

Months ago when he said he'd like to do this, I really never wondered if he could. I may have wondered why?

He sets his mind, and his heart, and focuses on the prize, the plan, and goes for it.

I almost didn't travel with him, but I am so glad I did.  For my heart, for the kids to see their dad, and hopefully for Handsome K to feel supported by us.

The three little Ks and I got up hours after the bikers and met him when he'd almost made it half-way. I can't really describe the emotion and sheer pride I felt as we drove to the stop. I told the kids (we traveled and saw him, then we went on closer to the finish to stay the night) "Everything we drive today is how far your dad will be riding his bike."

As we drove I was overwhelmed with excitement and surprisingly... emotion.  I got teary as we drove I-5. My husband had set a challenging goal and was meeting it that moment. All these cars around me had no idea that just beyond the trees on a path were some 10,000 bikes going for it.  The world was zooming by without even knowing they were missing something really big.  At least to those riding. And to this one proud wife.

It was a little moment like the first time you visit home after going to college and you realize that your family's life is going on as if you don't exist, not even noticing your absence.  Or so it feels.

Or one of the first times you interact with another culture around the world and you think, "hmmm, I'm living my life in the US and people are living their lives on the other side of the world." If I hadn't taken time to spend in another culture I would have never realized these wonderful people are just people, but now I know about them. They come into my thoughts years after I meet them.  I randomly pray for some of them by name or just face, no matter the passing of time I think about the faces and friends I met.

Like that. Realizing there are moments happening all around us whether we are aware of them or not.

Little K had the most questions. "what if daddy's tire pops?" "what if he doesn't know where to go?" "how will he know the directions?"

Princess K prayed the night before we left..."help daddy be strong and his bike not broke. Help daddy win the big trophy."

As we drove, Little K was pushing for daddy to win the race..."Will he be the first one to get there mommy?" Princess K would add matter of fact, "Daddy will win the trophy."

I  tried to explain that finishing this race was winning, that beating your body to just keep going was the prize.

They did not get that.

"But he'll get a trophy right mom."

(next time we will make a trophy to give him)

They wanted to know he'd win.  They were on his team, and they wanted their team to win.

I know what that's like to want my team to win.  I understand believing that your daddy is the best and always knows the answers and always wins.

I saw my daddy like that too.

I know what that's like to believe my Father in Heaven will always complete what He starts.  Always, even now when I feel defeated and like I fail more than I win.


We found a spot right by the path all the bikers headed down with the processional of people hanging on either side of the makeshift  tunnel to greet all the "winners".  Again I was overwhelmed with emotion, I felt like we should be yelling good job to every person going by.  But in reality, we were all really waiting on our own team to cross the finish line.  Everyone knew it when your team made it too.  It was phenomenal. 

Because it was true, they had "won."


We stood and we watched, then I saw him.  He looked great!  Not falling down or collapsing.  Not out of breath, but finishing strong and confident.  He looked wonderful and my heart was full of pride and emotion.  As if I had just won, because I am so closely knit to this other human, and our team just won!!!  I yelled and cried a little and couldn't get to the exit line fast enough. (the three k's weren't in as much of a hurry). 

I wanted to share a triumphant sweaty kiss.

I don't think anything I could have said at that moment would or did communicate all that I felt.  I should have planned that better, but it was raw and lovely, in my heart and I hope for Handsome K too.  I didn't say much.  I was there, to bask in the finish.  (thank you friends who listened and encouraged me to go).

To be there when He completed, he finished, it was done.

He did it!  And I was there to see it. 

God will finish what He has started in me, Handsome K's successful ride reminds me of that.  He will complete the task He began, He has begun a good work, and no matter how much He has to work on me to finish, He will.

When Handsome K meets Jesus, He will be told, "You kept the faith, you finished the race."

I'm sure of it.  I'm sure of Handsome K.

But Jesus won't be talking about Seattle to Portland. 

He will be talking about my husband's life. What an honor to move and grow, and fail and succeed in life with you my dear, it is an honor!